HAPPY NEW YEAR
I am looking forward to 2018, making lots of changes, adjusting, adapting and evolving myself and my work.
This past year, I did much more "inner work" than any other time in my life, focusing on myself, understanding my true wants, needs, desires, what I need to be happy, and so on. Here is just a little bit of what I learned this year that resonated with me, and made me think just a little bit more about.
Part of what I do as a certified health/personal development coach, is help others, (usually busy professionals who may not have to time to devote to their physical and mental health), begin a plan of action to achieve their goals of better physical and mental health. I do the research, I get to know the individual, I personalize plans, and I provide techniques to help them develop the ability to take care of themselves mentally and physically, and to maintain it.
Which leads me to one of the things I learned in 2017
1. Giving advice doesn't work
This was one of the biggest lessons I learned in 2017, and luckily, I learned it early on in the year. As a consultant, this was a lot of what my job entailed, basically a professional advice giver. I was noticing a pattern in my consultations, I wasn't having the success rate I wanted, or needed for that matter to keep myself going, and I was losing clients mid way through their programs. This wasn't an issue of finances because most of these clients paid for 3 and 6 month programs up front, so it must be another reason...
And it was! What I found was that giving advice is psychologically perceived the same in others' minds as judgment, telling them what to do, and no one likes to be told what to do!
This fascinated me, and I realized, not only the errors in my ways, but it also helped me understand even more of the complex intricacies of the mind, and how harmless "advice giving" can be perceived to others as judgmental, directive, hostile, and narcissistic.
Now, advice giving has it's place, specifically in a boss/employee dynamic, or parent/child relationship, but in a circumstance where someone is paying you to help them, they don't want to hear you tell them what they're doing wrong, or right, they don't care what YOU think, it's all passing judgment in the mind, whether we think it consciously or subconsciously- and it's human nature to remove ourselves from judgment.
Whenever giving advice, it is best to help that individual learn a new skill in a way, that allows them to become their own consultant- changing the wiring of their mind to think and act with their absolute best interest in mind at all times. (This is where technique, and NLP can play a major role) but even without that, the best technique for helping someone in need of 'advice' is to listen to them, really listen, and gradually offer solutions, it also allows the other person time to find their own solutions, by thinking and even saying what they need to, or self actualization.
2. Money doesn't equal success
We all kind of know this, or at least we've heard it over, and over, but we still whether consciously or unconsciously equate lots of money with being successful. Well... It isn't true, and here's why-
Monetary success without personal development skill, self awareness, and proper lifestyle habits and techniques only EXAGGERATES the personal and emotional issues one might be facing, when they began their trajectory to monetary success. Major vices and bad habits can get out of hand quickly when not dealt with early on in a young professionals life. Social media can propel this notion of "money buys happiness" but most of the time, it just isn't true. True success really and truly is in the emotional, and personal stability of a person, and their ability to express it to others and in their works.
3. It really is okay to not have it all figured out
We live in a world where we are constantly bombarded with people telling us we have to have it all figured out. Either we go to college and climb the corporate ladder, or become your own boss and get it all figured out that way. Then there is people like me- if you are anything like me, you have a number of passions. You loves lots of things, immerse yourself in lots of things, and put yourself into lots of things, pinpointing one area of life to focus on can be a challenge, but what I learned this year, is that is it okay to no have it all figured out in a day, in a month, in a year. You are not stuck. Keep focusing on your passions, the world is always looking for new innovations plus most of the jobs we all thought would be around for ever are being taken over by computers anyway so we gotta stand out more than ever!
4. Be authentic
If your going to be here, be here. I have always been an intensely private person, and for the most part, I still am- but one thing I learned in 2017 is that the world needs authentic people, now more than ever, and there is no sense in shrinking that down--but this also means serious self analysis and awareness. Understanding what you are and what you're not, and adapting and raising what you are, to become what you want to be.. this is definitely a process.
5. Home really is where the heart is
I do love to travel, I haven't had the opportunity to do as much as I would like in recent years, but it is always on my mind, and one day I hope to have seen it all! But having a space, or an anchor, a little corner of the world that is, and always will be home is in my opinion one of the best things in life, and I've learned that nothing compares to it. This doesn't mean having a large family, and tons of friends, it's just that space you know you can go and the rest of the world doesn't exist. Having that space to care for, relax in--and possibly fill it with a bunch of cute fluffy pets!-- It's one of the best joys in life, and can often be taken for granted.
6. Don't discredit the "unproductive years"
Often times, and especially in highly goal oriented individuals, we can discredit the seemingly "unproductive" years of our lives, or the years we spent working a job we knew was not our purpose, or a part of our plan, or the years we stayed in an unfulfilling or unsatisfying lifestyle. Often times this kind of thinking can create a hamster wheel of never being satisfied, never being or having enough, and never being fully happy. Don't beat yourself up about "time wasted", because living authentically actually will take a lot of time. We weren't born knowing or having our purpose handed to us, and knowing what to do with it. We must learn, adapt, and grow into it, and often what that means is literally being a student to let life teach you what it needs to in order to get you to the place you need to be. This time can be extremely useful and important to better understanding yourself, and can teach you some of the best lessons you'll ever learn in life.
7. Set goals with the results first
When we set a goal with the result and outcome first, and backtrack, it helps us retrain our mind to open up to endless possibilities of how to get that outcome. Our minds are funny and can keep us unconsciously locked in a certain way of thinking, especially about how to do things. In order to get B we must to A-- but when we think of the desired outcome of our goal, and we lead with our result, our mind will begin to clear for bigger and more possibilities to achieve it.
8. You can never make your life better from the outside in
In life, and happiness, there is no such thing as a "quick fix". Creating a truly happy and satisfied life starts from in the inside out always. Devoting time to take care of yourself, your emotional state, your mental and physical health, will always help you get ahead in the long run. Constantly trying to portrait an image, keep up appearances for satisfaction or happiness almost never works, and will usually create a burnout at some point. Authentic and satisfied living will always come from in the inside.